Baseball Purgatory: 99 Years and Counting

By: Chi-Town Toe

"Dad, where are we?" asked the pudgy young boy from the Northwest Suburbs of Chicago in 1984.

"Well, son, we are in a place called Baseball Purgatory. A place of endless waiting and suffering."

"Why does it smell so bad in here?"

"The smell is from the old people that have been waiting 99 years to enter those pearly gates over near the corner. But those old people have seen it all. I have only been waiting 58 years," says the father, "and you but a few years--they have been here forever. You weren't even here during 1969, when we all rushed up to the pearly gates with Ernie, Billy, and Ron and the beautiful angels were within sight. But right before we got there a black cat crossed our path, and next thing you know the angels were letting in Mets fans, fans who had only been waiting a few short years."

"Well that doesn't seem very fair," said the son.

"OH NOOOOOOO! It's not hell, but its close!" moaned Ron Santo.

"We got some talent this year!" said the father. "Rick Sutcliffe could hold the key to those gates!"

"Jo-dy Davis will surly get us in! Ryno and The Sarge could help him too!" the boy stated enthusiastically. "JO-DY! JO-DY!"

"What the hell is this?" the father exclaims. "Why is Leon Durham letting the ball through his legs?"

The boy stares in disbelief, learns his first cuss words from thousands of men in Cubby Blue, and slowly wipes away his tears in Baseball Purgatory.

5 years go by and all the boy hears is more cuss words from the other side of the room as fans in thick Boston accents saw their path to the gate smashed closed by Bill Buckner.

"Now this is our year, Dad," the growing boy states confidently. "We got the Rookie of the Year, Jerome Walton and clutch hitting with Sandberg, Grace, and Dawson."

"I suppose your right," said the father. "But will the pitching hold up?" You could see the hope in the father's voice slowly dwindling each year.

The angels whisper Cub fans names, but waiting there to slam the door in their face is a determined Will Clark.

9 more long years, waiting, hoping. The Bulls win on the waiting room tv, but it doesn't fill the void. It is not the same as what would await us inside the pearly gates. Instead, it is just a tease. Sparkling grape juice around the room instead of the true champagne.

"Wait a second," the father moans. "These 7 Marlin fans have only been waiting minutes! I can't believe they got the key! I HATE expansion teams....NO, I LOATHE expansion teams!"

When 1998 comes, a new flame-thrower gives Cubs fans hope.

"Did you see what Kerry Wood did?" is whispered from fan to fan. "What about Sammy Sosa?" "He is a freak!" "This is it!"

The father and son both sit, still waiting, as a Kevin Tapani pitching performance is wasted and Matt Karchner and Jeff Blauser hold back the angels coming to escort the Cub faithful.

"What the hell!" the son explains as his Cub hat slams to the floor. "How the sam-hill did those Diamondback fans sneak in after only a few minutes of waiting? This is Freakin Ridiculous!"

Its 2003 and the Cub fans are on their feet. The angels call their name, they see the streets lined with gold. The noise is deafening. And then, Darkness and silence, followed by tears and jeers.

"Why did that idiot fan touch the ball?" "Alex F'n Gonzalez!!!" "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

The boy breaks down, the father threatens to run out of the room. They will give up baseball for sure. This can't be happening. Most fans feel like their dog just got shot in front of their eyes.

More waiting and waiting. And the room gets less crowded every year. The Red Sox nation breaks down the pearly gates in 2004 after Babe Ruth finally gives them the key. The Cubs fan sit quietly, mourning as White Sox fans taunt them from behind the gates in 2005.

"Well, Dad its 2007. We got the hitting. Soriano, Lee, and Ramirez won't let us down."

"They sure better hit, we payed enough for them," exclaims the father.

"Well, at least we didn't have to get out of our uncomfortable chairs that are now conformed to our bodies," says the son. "We should have seen this coming. Losing to the no-name Diamondbacks!"

"I am getting old, and worry I might never see what is inside those gates," moans the father.

The waiting room gets darker and less crowded every year. Only Alex Rodriguez sits alone on the other side of the room. The smell never goes away and always gets worse. Those pearly gates look better every moment and Cub fans sit alone in Baseball Purgatory.

Pics
Dawson and Wood: www.chicagocubs.com
Jody Davis: www.agonyandivory.com